Self Isolation – Part 2

Spending so much time with my kids has been both awesome and exhausting. I’ve learned that Penny can absolutely get sick of hanging out by herself. I write this as she plays her tabby nearly on my lap. I have waited like 6 years for my kids to seek me out, but it’s sort of been baptism by fire because I am so not used to them hanging off of me constantly and following me around wherever I go. I love all the love, but also I need some space. This is not the kind of parenting I’m used to!

I’ve learned that while I knew Rory needed a lot more attention, I probably didn’t realize the extent of it. He’s pretty much always around. Always asking for food, a drive, or outside – taking my phone, book, computer, food, mug (etc, etc) out of my hand so that I can give him the entirety of my attention. A great thing to be seeking out socialization, but man – mama needs a break. I was actually okay with having to go to work on my birthday on Tuesday because I got to sit by myself in mostly silence.

I’ve learned that my kids are getting as annoyed with me as I am with them. The other day Penny stood up in the bathtub, when I opened the curtain to tell her to sit down she yelled “Shut it!!” and then ‘slammed’ the bath curtain in my face. And when she had a toileting accident the other day and I was scolding her more than I normally would, she told me to “quit it”. I’m like, “excuse me! Did you just tell me to quit it?” “…yes. Quit it.” I was annoyed and offended, but also kind of proud. Her words don’t come easy to her (usually she just repeats what we say) but I assure you I’ve never told her to “shut it” or “quit it”. I don’t often have to talk sternly to the kids but I’ve probably done it more in the past month than I have in the past year, so I kind of get her frustration (I will be working on getting her to say it in a nicer way though).

Having our routine completely out of whack has also increased the kids’ need to control their environment. Penny needs to control all electronics when she can – tabby, phones, TV. She gets very upset when she cannot. Rory needs to control where everyone is sitting or standing or what we’re doing. God forbid Shamus and I try to play a game of cards at the table – meltdown central. We know it’s hard for them right now, so we try to pick our battles – but a battle it can be!

Shamus and I also discussed recently that all of this downtime is going to make it hard to return to our generally very hectic schedules. We’re always rushing to work, appointments, phone calls. Trying to keep up on homework, therapy, social engagements. Man, it’s going to be so hard to get back to that. I’m hoping that this downtime will remind us to slow down a little, and it will probably lead us to say ‘no’ a little bit more. As I said to Shamus, while there’s a lot of things that come with having two kids on the spectrum- we built up to it. It’s probably going to feel like when they were first diagnosed again – getting completely overwhelmed with what we need to do and when. In saying that, we still do ‘appointments’ by e-mail and phone, Shamus works every weekday morning, and I work about once a week – so it’s not totally relaxing, but definitely more downtime than usual.

We did have a very sweet moment yesterday. Penny watches a sketch from Sesame Street that extends “If you’re happy and you know it” to include “if you’re happy and you know it flap your wings!” Penny had Shamus play this on guitar and Rory must have only heard it for the first time because he thought it was the funniest thing he ever heard. He went to Shamus and said, “wings, wings!” to get Shamus to sing it again (super cool in itself). When Penny ‘flapped her wings’ he stared at her and just cracked up laughing. The kids only interact on a very limited basis of kisses, hugs, mild parallel play (next to each other, not with each other), and tolerating the others’ existence – so to see them interacting like that was really very sweet.

I’m also pleased to announce that Penny has decided she is going to try and learn how to ride her bike again. She has put it on her schedule for 3 days in a row and she’s getting quite good at it. She hasn’t gotten steering figured out (so my back is killing me from leaning over to grab her) but she’s almost got peddling down pat. We tried teaching her last summer but she couldn’t stand the helmet and had a hard time looking up, peddling, and holding the handles at the same time – in fairness, there are a lot of steps. Fun fact: apparently if you practice bike riding in the parking lot of the closed playground, municipal enforcement will show up.  Whoops! I also enjoyed when we were in St. David’s Park and Penny had to get off her bike to look at the “upper case E!” on the pavement.

I hope everyone is still safe and healthy – and I hope you’re not all losing your minds. Although, I’m also kind of hoping you are so that I am not alone in that.