Cousins

My sister and I have an ongoing joke where we talk about the pros and cons of having autistic kids vs neurotypical kids. Our kids are very close in age – the older two are 3 months apart, and our younger two are just over a year apart. My kids both have autism and her kids are both neurotypical. There are some things that drive her nuts about parenting that I don’t usually encounter, and there’s things that drive me nuts that she doesn’t usually encounter. (This is all in jest, in case it isn’t clear. All of the kids are amazing).

Pro for her: Her kids are easier to take out places in terms of running away. They seem to have a better understanding of cause and effect than mine do. They can probably understand that, “I’m not allowed to walk in front of that car because I could get hit”. Mine are more like, “OOOOOOHHHH…look at that shiny metal thing. I MUST TOUCH IT.”

Pro for me: My kids don’t really pay a lot of attention to other children, so I’m not very concerned about peer pressure and socialization the way that she is. This is a pro and a con because it’s really hard to teach someone social norms when they don’t really care what other people think. (For example, not pulling down your pants in public. Even the thought of pulling his pants down in his classroom would mortify my nephew. Hahaha!) I do worry about the kids getting and keeping friends, but I am not particularly concerned yet about them being followers or getting in trouble because of other children. This is also a pro for me because we often get to skip social events because my kids don’t care if we go. #introvertforlife (that hashtag is to describe me).

Pro for her: Her kids likes to eat a variety of food. I saw my niece eating a grape tomato the other day and was amazed. My kids enjoy eating the same foods over and over again so it’s pretty easy to plan most meals, but their nutrition is not exactly great. Also, if we run out of one particular item, we’re pretty much screwed. My kids would most likely starve before eating something new (or in Rory’s case, not covered in ketchup).

Pro for me: My kids very rarely interrupt conversations. Shamus and I have our best conversations when we’re in the car. Not so much with my sweet, chatty niece and nephew. Here is an excerpt from a car ride a few months back. “It’s a dog! Look a the dog! In that car! Do you see it? Do you see it, auntie? They’re going around the turn you’ll see it in a minute.” *I start to talk to my sister again* “Did you see it? Did you see the dog?…Look at that flag!”  I wouldn’t call it relaxing. Hilarious and informative, yes. Relaxing, no. Their speech is fantastic though, so that’s a pro in itself.

Pro for her: She can try different activities with her kids to see if they enjoy it. My kids enjoy doing the same things over and over again so it can be hard to introduce them to new things. We generally wait until a sensory event to try something new. Like skating last week for example. (I’m glad we didn’t have to pay for that shit show and/or have a large audience.)

Pro for me: When the kids are struggling, we have professionals we can call to help them out – that means we have a lot of appointments and meetings but it’s a great resource and you get a whole team surrounding you. My sister does not have her own team to assemble and work towards a new goal – she has to wade that shit by herself (she has help from supportive family and friends, but she doesn’t have that additional professional resource).

Pro for her: Potty training went really smoothly for her kiddos. They decided one day to potty train and it magically happened (well, it seemed like it to me haha!). We track urine and bowel movements for weeks (in a literal chart), do social stories, rewards, and have professionals help. It still took Penny about a year to be fully trained. Rory is a force and I don’t imagine he is going to be trained any time soon. Even with all the rewards and praise he is just not interested.

Pro for me: My kids are easy to distract with devices and TV shows so I can have a moment (or an hour) to myself with very little interruption. They get hyper-focused on it, so they don’t even realize someone is in the room most times. Her kids like to interact with people as well as each other, so they don’t stay focused on videos for very long. That is generally how I am able to write a novel and a blog and also keep a modicum of sanity.

They have a lot in common as well. For example, the oldest two love visuals to manage their anxiety and the youngest two would shank you for an apple sauce. I am not even kidding.

In conclusion, all kids are the best and worst in their own way and I love them all dearly!