Transitions

I’ve been struggling to find the motivation to write recently with the current state of the world, but not writing has also taken a toll on my mental health, so…here we are.

Starting yesterday, my work schedule increased and I had to send Rory back to daycare part-time and send Penny to my sister’s house until I can *hopefully* find somewhere more permanent to bring her. (I’m actually just hoping Shamus’ work schedule slows down so I don’t have to worry about it, but we’ll see how the summer progresses. If y’all could stop ordering online so my husband can stop working overnights and my life would be less hectic that’d be greeeeeeeat. #itsallaboutme)

The kids are hilariously opposite. The process of going to one place to another is hard. Where Penny has a hard time going from indoors to outdoors, Rory struggles with going from outdoors to indoors.

So, Rory was PUMPED. He couldn’t wait to get back to daycare and apparently never stopped smiling and talking for the entire day. 

But to say Penny did not enjoy the prospect of leaving the house would be the understatement of the century. In fairness, it was a completely last minute routine change (again) and she actually had to leave the house in the morning for the first time in almost 3 months. I get it. I know she will adjust eventually.

I could have had my sister come to my house, but at some point Penny is going to have to leave to go somewhere. If she gets accepted into summer camp, she’ll have to leave the house every morning. My thought process is that she should probably start by adjusting to going somewhere familiar that she loves.

My schedule change was last minute – as things are during a Pandemic it turns out – so I let her know that from now on, every second day she was going to have to go to Aunt Vanessa’s or Nanny’s in the morning. She was so upset by the news that she ran away while yelling at me. Completely understandable so I didn’t push it.

Her and I wrote out a schedule the night before. We read through it – she even slept with it! In the morning we followed it and she was fine – happy, even – until the actual getting out of the door.

Then the tears started. She cried on the way out the door, stopped for a hug, whimpered on the short drive to my sister’s house, got out of the car crying, stopped for a hug again, and walked up the driveway as if she was headed towards the guillotine.

By the time she got in the house, apparently, she had stopped crying and actually had a fun day playing with her cousins – well, with her cousins playing around her. Thank God too, because I can’t imagine working from home with a sobbing 6 year old would be any sort of enjoyable. Shout out to my sister who can somehow care for 3 (sometimes 4) kids and still get some shit done.

Rory on the other hand, was not impressed when I pulled onto our street yesterday evening. I actually had to go for a drive before we could go home without him freaking out entirely. He then freaked out when we actually had to come inside the house so, only slight progress. Our neighbours get an earful several times a day. Luckily he will happily play in the backyard by himself as long as we keep an eye to him through the door or window.

We’ve tried a few things to help them with these transitions. Countdowns and visual timers used to help Rory a lot, most notably when he was doing ABA Therapy. Now they just increase his anxiety.

Visual schedules help Penny get through the day most days. We just draw what her day will look like, and generally she will follow that with very little complaints. We’ve had to start scheduling a “surprise” just in case her schedule has to change unexpectedly though. That can range from singing a song she likes to going for like, a 2 hour car ride. Sometimes she refuses to make a schedule if she knows it means she’ll have to do anything though.

We’ve used “first/then” boards, and sometimes just say it verbally. “First we do *this* then you can do *this*”.

We have done social stories a lot. I was thinking of making one in this instance, but with my/our schedule likely to change again at a moments notice, I thought it would upset her more than help.

We also just outright bribe them to leave or enter the house at times because what is parenting without a good old fashioned bribe now and then?

Once the kids get into a routine they tend to adjust for the most part. And generally it’s literally the actual process of going from one place to the other, one activity to the next. Once they’re settled into the new place/activity, they’re happy again. Or at least tolerant of the situation.

And if they’re not, we First/Then again or you know, give up entirely – depends on the day or activity. Because…balance.

Today we cuddle and stay in our PJ’s with nobody screaming. Tomorrow when we all have to leave the house again though? We’ll see…