Sensory Events

Today Penny and I attended a birthday party for a sweet little girl in her class, and then Shamus and Rory picked us up and we all went to a sensory playtime in Holyrood. Our family doesn’t leave our little bubble of solitude to socialize outside of our inner circle often, so I feel like having both of these events in quick succession really highlighted for me why I often prefer sensory/autism-friendly events.

I should note to anyone who knows us personally, that the kids love almost all events and birthday parties. This is strictly about my emotions, so please keep inviting them/us to things!

We try to focus on all the positives that our kiddos are doing and try to build on the skills and interests they already have. We actively try not to compare the kids to others and only focus on their own growth. Even when we have our ISSP meetings and everyone does up a Strengths and Needs list, strengths go first because we all want to focus on the fabulous things they’re doing and not on the negatives.

So, when I am in a room full of neurotypical children around my child’s age, it often hits me in the face at once, all of the things that my kids are not doing. How much work it would be to even acquire a quarter of the skills. So much conversation. Kids playing with one another. Sitting at the table having a meal. Eye contact galore. A lot of the parent’s are having a chat or playing on their phone while their kids run around, casually glancing over to make sure their kid is safe. I am my children’s stalker. Like, 3 feet behind, always. If they take off, I am an anxious mess until I catch sight of them again. It still blows my mind that people can leave their kids unattended near a door and the child is not going to run out of it the second the parent turns around. What is this sorcery?

When we go out anywhere, I have to question the noise level, the food, climbing risk, the escape risk, what’s going to be expected of them. The most important to me – is there anywhere they can go that we can’t get to them? (That question worked it’s way in after an ill-fated visit to a 2-story McDonald’s playhouse in Grand Falls where I had to convince another child to push Penny down the slide after she’d been up there for 45 minutes.) We also have to consider the bathroom situation, because if there’s an automatic flush toilet or air hand dryer, forget about it.

I get a bit jealous of the other parents relaxing. I get so, so happy that other kids acknowledge mine, and then I immediately get sad that I have to instruct my kids to say “hi” (because they often don’t even notice someone is talking to them). I get overwhelmed thinking about the future and if they’ll ever have a steady friend. (I’m more concerned about Penny in that regard, because Rory is a total social being but Penny would rather be alone). I’m always on edge about whether anyone is going to mention their headphones or comment on the toe-walking, Rory wearing diapers, the stimming, the fact that I am a total helicopter parent, or ask why the kids won’t talk to them. All of those things have been mentioned to me (or I’ve overheard) before, and it’s rarely from kids. I actually don’t mind people asking questions nicely, by the way, but you’re probably only going to get a short answer before I have to run after the kids again.

In contrast, at the sensory playtime, most (if not every) parent had their eyes trained on their child too. There were other kiddos running on their toes. Other parents also had to stop their kids from leaving the room/area or climbing. There were objects lined up all over the place – and my kids weren’t the ones who did it! No one batted an eye at the stimming. I didn’t have to find somewhere out of the way to sit or lay down with them, because other parents were doing it too. I wasn’t self-conscious about the earphones either.

A little girl around Rory’s age took Penny by the hand and dragged her over to sit with her on a see saw. I took a picture (which I want to post but I also want to respect privacy) –  the girls are not looking at each other or even acknowledging each other, but they are both smiling. Human interaction without actually interacting with humans. Totally up Penny’s alley.

When we leave events where I’m overwhelmed by inexplicable emotion, I often snap at Shamus and cry when he asks how it went. (It usually went fine – it’s just me, I swear!) When we leave sensory events I’m always like, “That was great! We should do that again soon!”

I think that socializing outside of our little bubble is necessary and can be fun when I don’t overthink too much – but man, autism-friendly events are the best.